that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
