love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
