2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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