I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
