I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize