Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
