I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
