he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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