he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
