Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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