thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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