where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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