naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
where are you?
Hypothermia
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's shark week go big or go home
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
