Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
