I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The Olympian is in my bed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
