tell your sister to shave her snatch
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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