I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
