I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
