I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
