Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize