My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
