yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He has the fingertips of a God
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
