My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're chasing vodka with high fives
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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