It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
