3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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