By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Randomize
