She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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