oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
