and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
