Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
