So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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