You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
