Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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