I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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