you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
