i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
