My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
