Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this boner is exhausting
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
