**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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