Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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