i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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