he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
