your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His nipple licking is glorious
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