Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
