I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
