when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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