dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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