Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
