i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
