lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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