also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Panties = found
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
