go do what you do best...puke behind churches
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
