dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
