drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
