Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
