I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
