6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
