We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
