I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
