Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
