We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
