Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
