your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
