She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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