I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
