Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
