THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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