Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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