I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
