Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
