Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
