It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
