theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
