So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
kristin has been a bad kristin
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
