I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
