when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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