I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
