is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
