So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
