2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize